perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
