sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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