I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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