Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it's like heaven, but drunker
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
