My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
