those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
