yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize