I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
