I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize