can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
