I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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