Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
