your parents love me but you hate me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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