Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
