Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
