i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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