have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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