Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
