im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A+ Viking dick
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