Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
