Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Still dying that you shit outside
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize