Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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