after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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