i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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