I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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