Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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