Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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