she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
