Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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