U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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