he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
