While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
