We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize