I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
