she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
