You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize