i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
