And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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