I've blown a few things in my day
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
