dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
