Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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