It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
