Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
