I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
