Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize