i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
