And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
