She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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