u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
