u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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