once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
