The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So much rum. So many feels.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
