It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
