...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
