apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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