okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
