I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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