I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I could make wine with my vomit
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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