If that was your dad, he is hot
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
