The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
