either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
