my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
