How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
