You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
