Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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