The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
