I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
