the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
