I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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