The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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