When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize