I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
