you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize