did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
