He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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