I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
